Baloney

Who is this person named Tony Baloney?
Why is his facial expression so stony?
Is he really a cop, or is he a phony?
Does he ride a police horse, or is it a pony?
Who is this person named Tony Baloney?

What do we know about Tony Baloney?
He’s not all that fat, but he’s not all that bony.
Is his TV a Samsung, or maybe a Sony?
Does he like a plain hot dog, or favor a Coney?
What do we know about Tony Baloney?

Is he religious, this Tony Baloney?
Is he thrifty and tending towards parsimony?
Does he view each arrest with extreme sanctimony?
Is the air in his office a little brimstony?
What kind of a cop is this Tony Baloney?

Why does he like Mace so much, Tony Baloney?
Does he put pepper spray on his mom’s macaroni?
Does he drink lots of soup? Is it beef minestrone?
Does he only like pizza if it has pepperoni?
Why does he use Mace so much, Tony Baloney?

What’s he got against women, this Tony Baloney?
Has he dated Madonna Louise Ciccone?
Did she laugh when he kneeled and proposed matrimony?
Does his nightstick still throb at the thought of her yoni?
Does he like women, this Tony Baloney?

Will the NYPD fire Tony Baloney?
Will his career end in great acrimony?
Will the Chief of Police keep him on as a crony?
Or will he retire after some ceremony,
to work at the ice rink and drive the Zamboni?
Oh, when will they fire that Tony Baloney?

2011-10-04